Time to catch up. I have had a good couple of days painting which feels good. However, my manner of working is so laden with an anxiety to get it right that I am exhausted. I have been making drastic decisions on how far to take a piece, layering, daubing and scrubbing back, with the result that I no longer have what I had at the beginning of the day, and a feeling of loss ensues. In normal life, I often deliberate too much, being overly critical in a desire for perfection first time. I have been reading An Archetypal Constable (by Peter Bishop); Amazon "recommended" this book to me based on my buying patterns) in which the author goes into some detail on the effect of "dewiness" in Constable's paintings. Constable's vision of England was one of a rich, fertile land, with little evidence of an encroaching Industrial Revolution. An almost spiritual respect for a land that gives us nourishment in all its forms pervade his famous scenes. I have been struggling with the effect of moisture, not the fertile, verdant vistas of Mr C, but the cold moistness of dark woods and composted bark. I have been splattering and spraying layers of varnish over thin washes of ink, sponging it back, so that when the light hits the surface it has varying degrees of refraction, illuminating in places and yet diffusing in others. I know I am not quite there yet...
A short walk to freedom
Today, we decided to go for a short walk in the crisp afternoon sunshine, after an Italian-style lunch. We followed a designated public footpath which appeared to go straight across a vegetable patch consisting of lightly frosted brassicas. Most of these path signs are wooden and weathered, easily merging into the organic surroundings. It became apparent this route was not taken often. The owner was outside, tending to a small pile of smoking vegetation. We walked through the sultry haze, hoping our presence was somehow softened by it. The right to roam is a "hot" issue at the moment. It's all part of new access rights brought in by the countryside agency, meaning all maps will need to be updated. I've always been interested in maps since a short spell of orienteering at school. We had one class exercise in which we had to trace the map contours and rebuild the landscape in 3D. It gave me a new sense of the rich topography of maps and their relation to the actual environment, not merely defining conurbations, routes and boundaries.
On our walk, we also came across hundreds of pure white free range hens scattered across an expanse of green, a somewhat poignant sight in light of the avian flu news stories. Next to this meadow was a small patch of dying sunflowers, allowed to seed naturally. Their withered heads, caught by the frost, brittle and greying upon stout, upright stalks, had curled inwards, producing quite grotesque but fascinating forms. I had to photograph them.
The underlying association of all of these scenes seems to be that of freedom: of the right to roam freely, to live peacefully, to die gracefully. From the decay of old flower heads, happily left to nature's means of seed dispersal, comes the possibility of new growth much further afield...
Strains, gains and automobiles
I have to get some work to an exhibition half way across the country. It will necessitate two if not three trips - one to get the work there in one piece, a second to attend the private view, and perhaps a third to collect if it doesn't attract any buyers. Courier companies are hugely expensive and dispatching by any other means risks the possibility of loss or damage. The gallery owners may not be that enthralled with unwrapping my goods, minus my presence. Oh, the ongoing trials and tribulations of getting your work into a show! So, a road trip (or two) beckons, but I am hoping the change of scenery will lift my spirits.Today my work looked at me more than I looked at it. I did less than hour and then had to answer the calls of other duties; writing letters, printing off some photographs, making phone calls. Are all artists so easily diverted? Each free day I have to devote to painting, with a fresh brew of strong coffee in hand, I create a list of tasks I hope to accomplish by the end of the day. They call it time management, but if I am to be any good at this task, I need just those organisational skills to draw up the list in the first place! On advice, I once kept a time log. It took me half an hour to create it, all neatly word processed and printed! I was filled with self-loathing when I realised at the end of the day that I had spent two and a half hours perusing eBAy.I love eBAy, it's an antiques market, a junk shop, a bargain basement, a warehouse clearance and car boot sale all rolled into one lovely muss of interesting stuff right on my doorstep (I could even buy a car or van!) - no time on it is wasted. One just needs to have an objective and a budget beforehand - never forgetting to check the feedback and prior sales patterns of sellers and buyers -checking out the the competition. If they are a regular sniper then you will have to snipe back accordingly, biding your time until the very last few seconds, when the desired prize can finally become yours. Enough already! I am wasting even more time talking about it! More important matters are calling...